Yo dont text me then not text me
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
