oh god the rape fog is back!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
