he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
