what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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