Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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