I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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