Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
