Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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