If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
