I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
