idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
