I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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