Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
