I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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