i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
