you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
