If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
