so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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