It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
