He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
