If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Terrible idea I love it
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
