apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
