no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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