do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
