i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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