My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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