I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Randomize
