Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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