I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
