it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
