Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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