You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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