I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
