Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
