Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
