I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
