Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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