mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
