I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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