Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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