Got a toothbrush?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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