he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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