Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have already put on my inside pants.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
