I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
honey bunches of taint.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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