sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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