I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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