Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
