you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
