And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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