hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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