Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
