you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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