walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
