I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
