Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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