Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
