There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
