This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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