i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
