That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
