just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
