Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
