I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
