The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
