There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
